I natt reiser min samboer og jeg til Oslo. Vi skal bli der over helgen, og dette er første gang vi blir borte fra Oscar så lenge i strekk. I tilfelle du titter innom denne bloggen for første gang, eller ikke kjenner meg, så kan jeg opplyse om at Oscar er en firbent, sorrelfarget skapning med hvite værhår og solgule, store øyne og et ellers surmulende blikk. Han er vår (puse)baby, og jeg er selvutnevnt «humom».

Vi ønsker ikke å sette Oscar på kennel under vårt Oslo-opphold, og vi spurte derfor en kollega av oss om han kunne titte innom vesleglunten (har visst en koselig betydning på nordnorsk) mens vi er borte – noe han takket ja til.

Som en liten morosak som spiller videre på min halvoffisielle status som «crazy catlady» tenkte jeg at det kunne være artig å skrive en liten «instruks» til han, skrevet på tull salvsagt. Den skulle egentlig bli på et par stikkord, men endte altså i en aldri så liten novelle – og den deler jeg med dere. Så raus er jeg.

«Instruks til en ire» leses best med et stort glass med noe godt i og en humoristisk innstilling.

To whom it may concern

Thank you for “volunteering” to look after our little baby boy, Oscar. We will be gone for 2 ½ days, where your first visit should be on Friday after work – as we leave Thursday night. I will provide him with extra dry food- and water bowls, since he will be unattended for at least 12 hours plus before you’ll be able to check up on him.

He will run out when you visit

First some important information as you enter our apartment. Oscar tends to run out of the apartment every time we open the door. (We suspect that he sleeps there or have a sixth sense – probably both). That’s why you must make sure that the elevator and the door to the main hall (with the stairs) is closed. I promise he will run out on you e-v-e-r-y time you come for a visit. Just go slowly towards him and lift him back inside. Sometimes he does it by himself too, if he’s in a good mood.

If he – by any chance – escapes to the main hall, or inside one of the other apartments, I bid you adieu …  good luck mate!

Nah, just kidding. But seriously. It has happened before. If he does, please try to stay calm and do not panic. I suspect he feeds on panic and distress.

Check his water- and dry food bowls

He eats like a horse and drinks like a drunken sailor, so you would probably have to fill up both.

Give him some wet food

He just loves that smelly stuff, so we bought some boxes for him to eat each day. He gets ½ a box a day. You may be tempted to give him more – as he will try to hypnotize you with his big, yellow eyes – but I strongly recommend that you don’t. He does not stop when he’s full, which you know often leads to things coming out. And he will enjoy watching you clean it up.

You’ll find the boxes in the fridge.

Fill up his candy ball (no, not that you perv)

He has a blue ball where you can hide some normal dry food. If you have the time, please feel free to fill it up. This will keep him occupied for approximately 7 ½ minutes.

Check his kitty litter

I must warn you. It will smell exactly as bad as you might think: a mix between old poo and a bad case of ammonia pee. And you will be surprised, he pees and shits a lot. Like, a lot-a lot. That’s why the litter should be emptied at least every other day. If it is too full he will take a shit on the floor, just to protest and make your life miserable. Use the blue shovel and take out the biggest lumps. The plastic bags you use can be thrown in one of the bins outside of the apartment.

Again, thank you so much for doing this.
You will be rewarded.

Kind regards,
Lisa & Marcus

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